Destruction breeds a certain kind of freedom

Coat – Cheap Monday • Hat & Jeans – Topshop • Shoes – UNIF • Bag – Kara

Been thinking a lot about the new year and how it’ll unravel, been reflecting a lot on 2015 and how disorienting it is in a way that another year has flown by. 2015 was a whirlwind of sorts, I can’t even begin to tell you the countless times I myself or someone else talked me down from the ledge. How the past year I let fear paralyze me to the point where I put my health in jeopardy and found myself in the middle of nowhere, so far removed from myself. To become so enveloped by incertitude and fear is such an unnerving scenery to witness. But maybe you have to burn everything down to know where you’re coming from, assemble all the pieces from the wreckage and build yourself up again. Maybe destruction breeds a certain kind of freedom. I look at the past year and my heart is less heavy, rather it is slowly expanding. I am still terrified at times but I’ve made friends with the chaos. I think this quote sums it up perfectly:

“Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or a person who explained to us, that we were in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, spiritually, than we were before. Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it seeks to break out of its shell on its way to becoming a plant. Often the feeling is anything but pleasant. But what is most unpleasant is the not knowing what is happening. Those long periods when something inside ourselves seems to be waiting, holding its breath, unsure about what the next step should be, eventually become the periods we wait for, for it is in those periods that we realize that we are being prepared for the next phase of our life and that, in all probability, a new level of the personality is about to be revealed.”

– Alice Walker

I suppose this is some sort of strange, mystifying (and slightly uncomfortable) rebirth of mine. So this is my new venture, a platform for my process and progress, my ridiculous awkward inner monologue, a dizzying yet enchanting mess of things…

Welcome to the inside of my brain.

xx