(My sistaaaahs be real stunners, Meg & Colby & I)

Dress // DollsKill • Boots // Alexander Wang • Harness // Jakimac

Pardon the randomness of this post, my mother took most of the images for the looks and although she has an eye for beauty she was having trouble trying to function my camera as she is not the most tech savy, bless her heart.

If anything I’ve really taken from my mother is that she always famously says to my sister and I, and basically everyone I know is to SHUTUP. SIT DOWN. AND LOVE YOURSELF. Quite the blunt woman isn’t she? These words are usually followed up by, “If you can’t love yourself how the hell are you going to love anybody else?” I can’t tell if RuPaul stole these words from her or vice versa but either way that’s some motherfucking straight up truth there. My mum is a fascinating human being, extraordinary in more ways than I can count, I’ve definitely inherited her complex (and at times savage) intensity, her endless creativity, her visionary nature, definitely her contingent moodiness, sharp sass, and overwhelming generosity and passion for life.

It’s funny growing up with my mum we are so damn similar in personalities that it often ended up in conflict. We both have reactive natures, moreso me than her if I admit it so you could only imagine what it was like living under one roof especially in a house full of Scorpios. Talk about mega intense energy emanating from all directions it could basically make one implode. Actually though. We joke a lot that I am most definitely her karma because of all the shit I put her through as the lil rotten teen delinquent I was and because (this is what she tells me) that she was quite the rebel herself as a youth and I am somehow her karmic payback. HA!

This trip to Italy meant a lot to her since we haven’t been on a family vacation in years cuz momma has been hustling like a maniac, I don’t know how she does it really. I couldn’t quite properly express to you even if I tried the captivating magnitutde of beauty that this country has to offer. These images were taken in the towns of Montepulciano, Montalcino and Pienza in Tuscany,  the countryside of Italy with endless rolling hills, greenery that extended for miles, and just like everyone says it really is like a fairy tale setting brought to life.

First and foremost if you should know anything about traveling with my family especially with my two sistaaaahs (okay Meg is my cousin but she’s basically my sibling) you will hear us for goddamn miles. My family is pretty mischievous, we definitely know how to have fun, not to mention if you get us three girls plus my dad laughing you can hear our maniacal cackles reveraberate like crazy. You should also know that if you get Colby and Meghan together they tend to enjoy singing….and dancing….in public with absolute zero iota of fucks given. And yes, I do commemorate them for unapologetically being themselves I, myself however get embarrassed fairly easily not to mention I know when on vacation and hanging out with them in general they will deliberately showcase their talents publicly to no avail.

We were in Tuscany for about four days and most of these pictures are taken from our second day where we spent the majority of the time exploring different towns and walking up a shit ton of stairs to see these stunning views encapsulating such magnificence. For one thing I’ve learned about traveling to Europe, cobblestones are not your friend. Guaranteed at some point if you’re wearing shoes that aren’t flat you will bail. You can only guess that that happened to all us girls on this trip followed by laughter and then assistance. All the adorable towns we visited had a castle or fortress of some sort, I remember the one in Montalcino we made our mum walk up the shady looking stairs to reach the looking tower she was so not pleased but we all cheered her on considering doing any activity that requires exerting a lot of energy is beyond her haha. It was windy as all fuck up there and climbing all those steps definitely killed my soul a little bit but it was worth it because the views up there were unlike anything I’ve ever seen or experienced before. Energy exists everywhere and every place you travel to holds a certain kind. Some places though they have a specific pull to it, a magnetic connection that only make sense to you when you experience it for yourself. Tuscany, is one of them. Magical in every sense of the word, whimsical and without a doubt romantic. My family and I were completely enamored by it’s charm and is a place I hope to return to and relish in it’s striking resplendence once more.

xx

Shirt // Jbiebz Purpose 2016 Tour (LOL) • Boots // Alexander Wang • Necklace // SHOPNIN3 • Sunnies // WildFox

I’m not going to lie this has been a hard one to write. After two years of having purple hair I decided to change my hair colour and for the past few months being this blue tone with turquoise hues has really been the start of a new era for me. If you’ve been following my blog for a while I speak a lot about the human condition, the strange duality and everything in between that plays a role in our lives. As much as this somewhat resembles your typical ‘style blog’ you will never find me writing about the garments on my body, although that isn’t too say that my personal aesthetic does carry an element to this platform, it is much more about the story telling for me. Looking at how we’re more than eight months into 2016 I have to say compared to this time last year where everything was far more destructive and harrowing I am doing a lot better. For the first time in a long time I feel proud of myself and that’s something I often forget to give myself credit for. When I really sit with myself and look at how monumentally fucked up everything was and felt in 2015 I’ve honestly done a complete 180. I’m no longer self-medicating and abusing a handful of vices that used to be my coping mechanisms and have extracted myself from toxic situations and people. Sure, the party is fun and you think it never ends but when you get sucked into a world thats nothing but a dangerous mixture of blurred nights, intoxication, deception and waking up with the heaviness in your heart you thought you had so innocently eradicated the night before accompanied by a delirious pounding in your head is it all really worth it? I’m definitely someone who takes things to the extreme and I often like to test my personal threshold. I thought for a while I was “invincible” purely enjoying life because I was going out all the time and made the all time excuse of ‘being young and free’ bullshit. Of course, there is a time and place to dance away the night and escape momentarily from life’s tribulations but I was more than knees deep in a noxious cycle of addiction and affliction without really being aware of it or anywhere near admitting it. For months I was in denial that I had a problem because my fucking dumb ass logic and Ego self got the best of me and assumed that I was still a perfectly functioning human being because I still (somewhat) managed to carry out daily duties like my job. I know that I’ve always suffered from depression and anxiety, something that’s accumulated and carried itself over the years as an eleven year old and into my adolescence and now into my twenties. So when parts of me were depleting and instead of asking for help, taking initiative and doing the work on myself I found solace in my vices. In the quiet, the war inside my head grew vehemently louder and stronger and my addictions were becoming out of control. I felt outnumbered by my demons but I still refused to do anything about it. It wasn’t until my partner relentlessly called me out on it and told me to get help. Although, that period of my life was absolutely sickening – quite literally and metaphorically – and a complete shitshow in the most horrendous way I count my lucky stars every day that he did that for me and that I have managed to kick my substance abuse habit to the fucking curb and never look back. It wasn’t easy and it took a whirlwind of unfortunate events to really get the light to find its way through my clouded presence but I have to say for the first time in an extremely long time without hesitation, I am happy and well.