Dress // Oh Hey Girl • Harness // Jakimac • Boots // UNIF • Beret // eBay

I honestly can’t believe 2016 is over, it’s mental to think 365 days have gone by and the absolute whirlwind that has been this year. Globally, I think we can all agree it was shit. A horrendous chain of events that left our hearts heavy. The deaths of many beloved stars – Bowie & Prince hit me hard. The US presidential election. Fuck. A LOT. OF. THINGS. HAPPENED. THIS. YEAR. And although, yes 2016 was difficult for many but on a personal level this year was so much about perseverance if anything.

It’s funny for the last two years I’ve been doing year round tarot readings for myself and theme of this year was strength and without a doubt I have felt that energy in it’s utmost capacity. I actually hadn’t thought about it until sitting down and writing this but this has been one fucking hell of a shitshow of a year and even though the first few months were rather arduous, harrowing and discomforting my efforts have really paid off and not only that but that amount of shit I’ve achieved this year BLOWS MY FUCKING MIND!!! It’s been a year of tremendous growth, if you follow me on my Instagram and blog I know I keep reiterating this but bloody fuck I don’t think I’ve ever done such a goddamn 180. January 1st, will mark my official one year of being substance abuse free and I can’t believe how far I’ve come in that regard. Reflecting on this time last year things were hazy and disconnected, I liked the way detriment sounded. Girl like wildfire. Girl like devastation. Girl like bulletproof. It’s strange to really muster these words but I never really thought I’d ever feel real happiness or find it for that matter but this year proved me wrong. This year was about saying yes to many things instead of staying stagnant in the dark. It was about pushing through walls of fear. Just fucking doing it and seeing where I would fall. And even if I did, getting right back up and picking up all the pieces, reassembling it and walking it the fuck off. It was about starting a lot of things I only dreamed of doing, things that just floated in thought and graced my mouth but never put into action until now. I finally started dance, which is one of the copious amount of things that I’ve wanted to do for years but always felt discouraged. And even though I’m still a beginner I found out my passion for voguing, which has been a tremendous outlet for me and a beautiful and fierce AF art form in and of itself. I finally got my Learners cuz it’s been about fucking time I learn how to drive ha! I spontaneously enrolled in the Freelance Makeup program and am ridiculously inspired by the MUA community and tremendous support I’ve gotten so far. I started taking photos again. Collaborating. Making some dope shit. Met some incredible human beings these year. Spent three weeks in Italy with my family and being incredibly inspired by that trip. Went to Pemberton Music Fest with two lovely souls who I met this year and had the time of my life seeing some of my fave artists. From seeing FKA Twigs in the pouring rain wearing identical rain coats looking like dumplings to losing my shit seeing Die Antwoord for the 5th time and having a pretty wondrous moment with a goddamn rainbow hovering over the stage seeing Miguel. Having my cousin move to Vancouver, reconnecting with her and taking dance classes every week. That one day during Pride, dressed to the nines with my fucking tribe, soul sistas for life, the MOTHERFUCKING HOLY TRINITY and staying out till 7AM. Exploring my own backyard that this city has to offer with my love. Starting this blog it’ll mark it’s one year in about a month! Shaving off my eyebrowz (honestly it’s been one of the most empowering things I’ve done this year) and getting baby bangs. Fell in love with myself. Sat with the destruction. Pulled everything a part and in the words of my mother, SHUTUP. SIT DOWN. AND LOVE YOURSELF. It’s a delirious feeling to examine everything in retrospect, that we are always constantly in flux but I am so fucking proud of myself for having the courage to cast out the dark, light them fucking demons on fire and watch the ashes transpire into something magical, unimaginable and truly mesmerizing.

2017, I have no idea where you’re going to take me but lets hold hands and dance to the sound of the fucking unknown.

Girl like electricity. Girl like pistol. Girl like magic.

Much love to all you beauties.

xx

Dress // USED House of Vintage • Boots // UNIF • Necklace // SHOPDIXI

“The symbolism of the Scorpion is wrapped up in it’s ability to focus on it’s power, this is the Scorpions special gift. Scopions magic is the magic of “defense”. We all have to protect ourselves from threats. Many times we do not notice threats, but the scorpion was born to protect itself from invasion naturally. Scorpion Attributes and Power: If you get your power from the scorpion, such as one who is born under the zodiac sign of the Scorpio, then there are a few things to be mindful of. Even if you are lured by the scorpion, then the scorpion is the animal for you. Be mindful of its attributes and powers. If you are enticed by the scorpio, it is because you need to protect yourself. You were born with an innate power of self preservation, and you need to use this power at all times. The challenge will be to perceive your gift and more importantly, to use it.”

– The Hoodwitch

With Scorpio Season coming to an end in ways it is somewhat a relief. November is always the most hectic and overwhelming month of the year for me since everyone in my family is born this month including one of our doggos! I always find it mental how both my parents are born three days apart (Nov 9th & 12th) and how my sister and I are born a day a part by two years (mine the 22nd hers the 23rd) and of course Pom our first lil nugget is born on the 28th. This time of the year always possesses an abundance of high energy, a time for celebration but also I find it to be a month that also lends itself to being quite inquisitive, reflective and mystically powerful for me. In past year’s surrounding my birthday I usually experience some sort of identity // existential crisis if you will…no drama here right?! I think when I was younger I was always afraid of getting older, fearing I hadn’t accomplished all the things I wanted to do in my life amongst a spinning downhill spiral of negative self-talk but as I turn 25 tomorrow this year feel’s a lot different than any other. If anything, I feel fucking elated it’s a curious sort of bliss that I’ve been experiencing lately one I can’t properly describe. It’s all encompassing yet expansive, it’s the sort of light I’ve been speaking of all year trying to locate it and I feel as if I’ve finally been able to harness it and am still learning how to use it. It feels a lot like the sort of vibrancy everyone possesses but is a matter of really looking inwards, pulling everything a part and somehow assembling it all back together to see how it all works. The sort of light that comes with confronting all the pernicious elements of who you are and burning out the dark. The sort of light that begins with a single flame and eventually manifests into wild fire, one that can’t be put out. The sort of light that is mesmerizing and contains a certain kind of radiancy, celestial and divine.

xx

(My sistaaaahs be real stunners, Meg & Colby & I)

Dress // DollsKill • Boots // Alexander Wang • Harness // Jakimac

Pardon the randomness of this post, my mother took most of the images for the looks and although she has an eye for beauty she was having trouble trying to function my camera as she is not the most tech savy, bless her heart.

If anything I’ve really taken from my mother is that she always famously says to my sister and I, and basically everyone I know is to SHUTUP. SIT DOWN. AND LOVE YOURSELF. Quite the blunt woman isn’t she? These words are usually followed up by, “If you can’t love yourself how the hell are you going to love anybody else?” I can’t tell if RuPaul stole these words from her or vice versa but either way that’s some motherfucking straight up truth there. My mum is a fascinating human being, extraordinary in more ways than I can count, I’ve definitely inherited her complex (and at times savage) intensity, her endless creativity, her visionary nature, definitely her contingent moodiness, sharp sass, and overwhelming generosity and passion for life.

It’s funny growing up with my mum we are so damn similar in personalities that it often ended up in conflict. We both have reactive natures, moreso me than her if I admit it so you could only imagine what it was like living under one roof especially in a house full of Scorpios. Talk about mega intense energy emanating from all directions it could basically make one implode. Actually though. We joke a lot that I am most definitely her karma because of all the shit I put her through as the lil rotten teen delinquent I was and because (this is what she tells me) that she was quite the rebel herself as a youth and I am somehow her karmic payback. HA!

This trip to Italy meant a lot to her since we haven’t been on a family vacation in years cuz momma has been hustling like a maniac, I don’t know how she does it really. I couldn’t quite properly express to you even if I tried the captivating magnitutde of beauty that this country has to offer. These images were taken in the towns of Montepulciano, Montalcino and Pienza in Tuscany,  the countryside of Italy with endless rolling hills, greenery that extended for miles, and just like everyone says it really is like a fairy tale setting brought to life.

First and foremost if you should know anything about traveling with my family especially with my two sistaaaahs (okay Meg is my cousin but she’s basically my sibling) you will hear us for goddamn miles. My family is pretty mischievous, we definitely know how to have fun, not to mention if you get us three girls plus my dad laughing you can hear our maniacal cackles reveraberate like crazy. You should also know that if you get Colby and Meghan together they tend to enjoy singing….and dancing….in public with absolute zero iota of fucks given. And yes, I do commemorate them for unapologetically being themselves I, myself however get embarrassed fairly easily not to mention I know when on vacation and hanging out with them in general they will deliberately showcase their talents publicly to no avail.

We were in Tuscany for about four days and most of these pictures are taken from our second day where we spent the majority of the time exploring different towns and walking up a shit ton of stairs to see these stunning views encapsulating such magnificence. For one thing I’ve learned about traveling to Europe, cobblestones are not your friend. Guaranteed at some point if you’re wearing shoes that aren’t flat you will bail. You can only guess that that happened to all us girls on this trip followed by laughter and then assistance. All the adorable towns we visited had a castle or fortress of some sort, I remember the one in Montalcino we made our mum walk up the shady looking stairs to reach the looking tower she was so not pleased but we all cheered her on considering doing any activity that requires exerting a lot of energy is beyond her haha. It was windy as all fuck up there and climbing all those steps definitely killed my soul a little bit but it was worth it because the views up there were unlike anything I’ve ever seen or experienced before. Energy exists everywhere and every place you travel to holds a certain kind. Some places though they have a specific pull to it, a magnetic connection that only make sense to you when you experience it for yourself. Tuscany, is one of them. Magical in every sense of the word, whimsical and without a doubt romantic. My family and I were completely enamored by it’s charm and is a place I hope to return to and relish in it’s striking resplendence once more.

xx

Shirt + Leggings  – BLVCKSCALE • Shoes – UNIF • Choker – Deandri

This has to be one of my favourite locations that I’ve shot at along with the post that will follow this one. You’ll see! Cemeteries are such peculiar places that carry a certain weight to them yet hold an undeniable pulchritude. This was shot at Père Lachaise Cemetery in Paris and although there is a particular heaviness when walking through its maze it is rather romantic and incredibly captivating. You could say I’ve always been enchanted by the darker side of life, aware of the strong duality that lives in us all. My interest with the supernatural began at a young age and entering my teenage years I became fascinated with tarot cards and the occult. I’ve always been a very highly sensitive being, some would call me overly emotional but as a natural empath and unfortunately at times a sponge for others energy it can be overwhelming to feel it all in this vessel of mine. As far as I can remember, I’ve always believed in spirits and otherwordly things but it wasn’t until I entered adolescence, particularly around the ages of seventeen and eighteen that I started to notice my encounters with the dead.

Over the last couple years I’ve had many experiences with spirits and have opened my energy up to this world even though it is extremely terrifying at times. Whenever I do sense energies, they do not manifest themselves into an apparition that is visible but regardless of that for the most part, I can still identify who they are in terms of their name, gender, occupation, if they are a child, adolescence,  elderly etc. The only times I’ve actually seen a spirit manifest themselves was when I was twelve visiting a historical building in Montreal, when my angels, who’re my two great grandparents and my uncle speak to me, a negative entity that lived in my boyfriend’s old flat and a not-so-friendly encounter with an entity I experienced last summer.

I know I speak about 2015 a lot, and I feel that for many, myself included was a rather arduous one that knocked us all off our natural trajectory and lead us astray only to leave bits and pieces to be recovered from the wreckage. Last summer was really traumatic and I experienced a shit ton of health problems and slipped into an extremely destructive state of depression that caused me to become so far removed from myself that I was convinced was impossible to escape. During this time there was one night where I was home alone and all of a sudden felt something else in the room with me. I can’t totally express into the words the sensation that was about to overcome me but it felt like the worst kind of fear was swallowing the room up, injecting every sort of negativity into every space and crevice and I was slowly being engulfed into the midst of it. I SHIT YOU NOT I felt this presence standing right in front of me legit trying to encompass my entire being. From my knowledge of the supernatural it almost felt I was being possessed. This entity was extremely negative and I could see it being cloaked in absolute darkness with its eyes peering right at me. I can’t even talk about this without my skin crawling but even though this was extremely fucking terrifying and I was scared shitless I just held onto myself, with some of my favourite crystals in my hand, shut my eyes and tried to visualize the best I could a radiant white light surrounding me. Many mediums, empaths, and witches speak about white light as a means of purification and protection. It is super critical when dealing with spirits as well as sending it out into the Universe from your body. When this was happening, I could feel my angels and spirit guides by my side to help me against this entity which needless to say was an absolute blessing. I probably meditated for almost an hour until I felt this awful presence leave. I can’t even begin to tell you the amount of fear that was rising in me during all of this and the feeling of having something that is not a part of you in any way try and take ahold of you. What is important to remember when dealing with more malicious spirits is that they feed off negativity and especially fear. The other side of the spectrum is always love, which is why it is so essential to come // speak from your heart space and try the best we can to project love out instead of hate, anger, frustration and fear.

After this incident about two weeks later it happened again where I felt the presence try to engulf me. This time out of panic I decided to call my dad as if I knew he would be of assistance (both my sister and my father possess the same psychic abilities as me but have chosen not to engage with the spirit world like I have).  If anything you should know, my family is rather peculiar and the dialogue surrounding energy and otherwordly existence has never been dismissed but always welcomed and discussed. It is not your every day phone call when you hear, “Dad I think I’m being possessed by a spirit and I don’t know what the fuck to do.” He advised me to try and remain calm the best I can and know that I was stronger than this presence even though the entity made me think other wise. He told me to use the visualization of white light like I had previously used and to embody love because if I lean into fear it allows the entity to become stronger and worst, take over my body.

Ever since the encounter with the entity I have tried my absolute best to maintain a positive mindset and emanate loving vibes although needless to say it’s taken me a couple months to regenerate and I finally feel like the worst is over. Since the incident, I have definitely closed myself off to the spirit world because of how petrifying that experience was but have been slowly regaining confidence in my abilities. To this day I still do not exactly know what that was or who it was except that it wanted to cause harm and devour my light. From what I gather, because I was vibrating at an extremely low frequency due to my mental, emotional and physical well being during this point in my life I believe that it created holes within my aura and because of my severe negative self-talk it developed into negative thought forms that allowed themselves to manifest and latch onto my aura. Quite possibly it was a combination of the negative thought forms I had created myself and another entity outside of myself that made itself comfortable within my aura.

“Thoughtforms can be described as energetic patterns that exist within our aura, and they are created by our own thoughts. You could say that thoughtforms are the spiritual equivalent to computer programs, and sub-routines, as they will keep running the same programme until the time where an intent and focus is made (by you) to change them. Thoughtforms are created over time, and are the energetic equivalent of schemas (deeply held beliefs). If there is a very strong activating event, that happens only once; such as the trauma of a car accident, or rape, then, because of the strength of the emotions, a powerful thoughtform will be created. Or if over a number of years, an experience happens daily of being undermined in small, subtle ways, such as the dynamics that can occur in families, then again, due to the dripping tap of emotion, a large pool of energy is created for the thoughtform to grow big and strong. So then, here we have the situation of a thoughtform living happily (maybe not for you) in your aura, creating the reality of the belief that is at the core of its existence, and feeding off the energy that it co-creates with the world around.” (More information about thoughtforms here)

When you’re in an intensely despondent state of mind it makes it easy for entities to attach themselves to your aura and you become a channel that allows them to breed. Although my experience may not entirely fall under the category of possession I believe that had I not made the active change within myself to become and think more positively and protect my aura I most definitely would have. Prior to these incidents, I developed certain symptoms such as thoughts that did not belong to myself, I felt another voice speaking in my head which just sounds absolutely fucked, and I started feeling like I was constantly being watched when I was alone and started seeing shadows more frequently. In conjuction with these symptoms, I was being extremely self-destructive and running from my trauma instead of addressing it which, was the main catalyst in this whole circumstance and lowered my vibration even further.

I know I’m not an expert in any way when it comes to dealing with energies and entities but looking back at how awful and excruciating that period of my life was in comparison to now, I’ve come a long way and I believe is a real testament to my strength that I had blindly forgotten and misplaced. As a natural empath, I only ever choose to use my abilities for love and compassion and to only practice white magic. I know the whole ‘witch aesthetic’ has become a part of street style and there’s been a substantial interest in this new age lifestyle shit and I am not opposed to anyone wanting to become more knowledgeable in the field and using their powers for good but I will put my foot down on the whole ouija board obsession. Of course, the board itself is exceptionally mystifying and intriguing but there are some things in this world that are just not meant to be fucked with. EVER. I have not and will never use one because what most people don’t understand is that this isn’t just some silly board game where you can contact your loved ones or maybe have a chill spirit hang out, you are literally opening up a portal where the spirits who come through disguise themselves as loved ones or seemingly friendly ghosts. They are shapeshifters, negative entities and even worst demons that will do anything to have a taste of the real world and will manipulate you into thinking otherwise about their true identity. I cannot reiterate enough how dangerous this device is when it is -i hate to say it- disgustingly glamourized. This is some real black magic shit. Don’t be a fool because life’s a fucking trip and the world is crazy but who the fuck wants to deal with demonic beings? HELL NO. NOPE. NO THANK YOU.

Just to clarify, I haven’t had any experiences as of late with the entity since last summer and I’m proud to say I’m currently in a pretty good state of mind and actually content for once, which sounds surprising when I say that to myself because it’s probably been eons since I’ve felt at peace with myself. It is so crucial to protect your aura and practice love and compassion not just to others but especially with yourself. Take care of your heart, and tend to your thoughts, allow fear to be felt but don’t let it consume you, be kind and if something is fucking with your vibe get rid of it.

xx

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