Dress // Oh Hey Girl • Harness // Jakimac • Boots // UNIF • Beret // eBay

I honestly can’t believe 2016 is over, it’s mental to think 365 days have gone by and the absolute whirlwind that has been this year. Globally, I think we can all agree it was shit. A horrendous chain of events that left our hearts heavy. The deaths of many beloved stars – Bowie & Prince hit me hard. The US presidential election. Fuck. A LOT. OF. THINGS. HAPPENED. THIS. YEAR. And although, yes 2016 was difficult for many but on a personal level this year was so much about perseverance if anything.

It’s funny for the last two years I’ve been doing year round tarot readings for myself and theme of this year was strength and without a doubt I have felt that energy in it’s utmost capacity. I actually hadn’t thought about it until sitting down and writing this but this has been one fucking hell of a shitshow of a year and even though the first few months were rather arduous, harrowing and discomforting my efforts have really paid off and not only that but that amount of shit I’ve achieved this year BLOWS MY FUCKING MIND!!! It’s been a year of tremendous growth, if you follow me on my Instagram and blog I know I keep reiterating this but bloody fuck I don’t think I’ve ever done such a goddamn 180. January 1st, will mark my official one year of being substance abuse free and I can’t believe how far I’ve come in that regard. Reflecting on this time last year things were hazy and disconnected, I liked the way detriment sounded. Girl like wildfire. Girl like devastation. Girl like bulletproof. It’s strange to really muster these words but I never really thought I’d ever feel real happiness or find it for that matter but this year proved me wrong. This year was about saying yes to many things instead of staying stagnant in the dark. It was about pushing through walls of fear. Just fucking doing it and seeing where I would fall. And even if I did, getting right back up and picking up all the pieces, reassembling it and walking it the fuck off. It was about starting a lot of things I only dreamed of doing, things that just floated in thought and graced my mouth but never put into action until now. I finally started dance, which is one of the copious amount of things that I’ve wanted to do for years but always felt discouraged. And even though I’m still a beginner I found out my passion for voguing, which has been a tremendous outlet for me and a beautiful and fierce AF art form in and of itself. I finally got my Learners cuz it’s been about fucking time I learn how to drive ha! I spontaneously enrolled in the Freelance Makeup program and am ridiculously inspired by the MUA community and tremendous support I’ve gotten so far. I started taking photos again. Collaborating. Making some dope shit. Met some incredible human beings these year. Spent three weeks in Italy with my family and being incredibly inspired by that trip. Went to Pemberton Music Fest with two lovely souls who I met this year and had the time of my life seeing some of my fave artists. From seeing FKA Twigs in the pouring rain wearing identical rain coats looking like dumplings to losing my shit seeing Die Antwoord for the 5th time and having a pretty wondrous moment with a goddamn rainbow hovering over the stage seeing Miguel. Having my cousin move to Vancouver, reconnecting with her and taking dance classes every week. That one day during Pride, dressed to the nines with my fucking tribe, soul sistas for life, the MOTHERFUCKING HOLY TRINITY and staying out till 7AM. Exploring my own backyard that this city has to offer with my love. Starting this blog it’ll mark it’s one year in about a month! Shaving off my eyebrowz (honestly it’s been one of the most empowering things I’ve done this year) and getting baby bangs. Fell in love with myself. Sat with the destruction. Pulled everything a part and in the words of my mother, SHUTUP. SIT DOWN. AND LOVE YOURSELF. It’s a delirious feeling to examine everything in retrospect, that we are always constantly in flux but I am so fucking proud of myself for having the courage to cast out the dark, light them fucking demons on fire and watch the ashes transpire into something magical, unimaginable and truly mesmerizing.

2017, I have no idea where you’re going to take me but lets hold hands and dance to the sound of the fucking unknown.

Girl like electricity. Girl like pistol. Girl like magic.

Much love to all you beauties.

xx

Dress // USED House of Vintage • Boots // UNIF • Necklace // SHOPDIXI

“The symbolism of the Scorpion is wrapped up in it’s ability to focus on it’s power, this is the Scorpions special gift. Scopions magic is the magic of “defense”. We all have to protect ourselves from threats. Many times we do not notice threats, but the scorpion was born to protect itself from invasion naturally. Scorpion Attributes and Power: If you get your power from the scorpion, such as one who is born under the zodiac sign of the Scorpio, then there are a few things to be mindful of. Even if you are lured by the scorpion, then the scorpion is the animal for you. Be mindful of its attributes and powers. If you are enticed by the scorpio, it is because you need to protect yourself. You were born with an innate power of self preservation, and you need to use this power at all times. The challenge will be to perceive your gift and more importantly, to use it.”

– The Hoodwitch

With Scorpio Season coming to an end in ways it is somewhat a relief. November is always the most hectic and overwhelming month of the year for me since everyone in my family is born this month including one of our doggos! I always find it mental how both my parents are born three days apart (Nov 9th & 12th) and how my sister and I are born a day a part by two years (mine the 22nd hers the 23rd) and of course Pom our first lil nugget is born on the 28th. This time of the year always possesses an abundance of high energy, a time for celebration but also I find it to be a month that also lends itself to being quite inquisitive, reflective and mystically powerful for me. In past year’s surrounding my birthday I usually experience some sort of identity // existential crisis if you will…no drama here right?! I think when I was younger I was always afraid of getting older, fearing I hadn’t accomplished all the things I wanted to do in my life amongst a spinning downhill spiral of negative self-talk but as I turn 25 tomorrow this year feel’s a lot different than any other. If anything, I feel fucking elated it’s a curious sort of bliss that I’ve been experiencing lately one I can’t properly describe. It’s all encompassing yet expansive, it’s the sort of light I’ve been speaking of all year trying to locate it and I feel as if I’ve finally been able to harness it and am still learning how to use it. It feels a lot like the sort of vibrancy everyone possesses but is a matter of really looking inwards, pulling everything a part and somehow assembling it all back together to see how it all works. The sort of light that comes with confronting all the pernicious elements of who you are and burning out the dark. The sort of light that begins with a single flame and eventually manifests into wild fire, one that can’t be put out. The sort of light that is mesmerizing and contains a certain kind of radiancy, celestial and divine.

xx

(Kendahl’s DIY on how to make a dress fit when you’re too lazy to get dat shit altered :P)

Dress – Brandy Melville • Shoes – UNIF • Jewellery – from everywhere // mainly thrifted

Apologies for the lack of updates lately and that I may have been a bit MIA. I’ve been living a super low key life as of late that mainly consists of hermit-ing and hanging out with five people I actually feel comfortable around and trying my best to re-centre myself because it seems that February was pandemonium. Being in your twenties is kind of like dealing with the nuisance of teen angst only it’s more refined in some ways and less screaming and more crying, or maybe its an amalgamation of both and it’s still this huge cluster-fuck-of-god-knows-what and everybody is still trying to “figure it out” but you’re a little more self-aware (at least I’d hope so) and really trying to get from A to B instead of lingering somewhere in the middle. Everybody that knows me knows that I get stressed out (extremely) easily. It’s funny because in certain difficult situations I do excel but then the majority time I’m just a fucking chicken with its head cut off. Fabulous. My sister often says to me, “When are you not stressed out?” It’s almost become this running joke because I legit have some sort of crisis every other day whether it be an existential one, or dealing with my identity, or because I’m trying to be a perfectionist with my fucking eye liner. Okay, so I’m a tad bit overdramatic. But this last month the heaviness hit hard in unimaginable ways. I thought I was done with my demons, really demolished them and put them to rest but when a series of unfortunate events occur and snowball, shit gets real out of control. I had fallen back into some terrible old habits and my anxiety had severely increased to the point where it was debilitating. I know everyone says, it’s going to get worst before it gets better and for the most part it’s unfortunately true. But sometimes you really need to be knocked down to know where you stand and fuck does it ever suck with your head against the cold pavement but I promise you, you will rise.

I think somewhere in 2015, I lost a huge part of myself after experiencing some traumas and I’m still trying to process that amongst tackling old demons. You see, fear is not unfamiliar to me – in fact it’s been my friend for quite some time now. Years even. It’s been sitting on my shoulders, towering over and whispering doubts into my ears. It’s held my hand throughout history, resides in my chest, compressing my lungs. Fuck it, I’ll admit it it’s encompassed me. But this time even though fear did get the best of me, I don’t want to be acquainted with it anymore. I want to be able to stare it down right in the fucking face and scream at it and not be petrified. I don’t want it to make me sick to my stomach, lunged over and holding my sides or 5 am panic calls to someone close to me or having to surrender myself to certain vices in order to self-regulate or have the noise from the war inside my head become so loud I can hear it reverberating off the fucking walls. I don’t want fear to envelope me like it has and has been doing so many times before. There’s been an ample amount of negative self-talk lately from the girl upstairs and all I want is for her to quiet it down. This past week, I’ve seen actual progress for the first time in god knows how long. I know shit like this can only be taken in baby steps because as much as I’d love for my fears, traumas and demons to all evaporate instantaneously we all know that’s a whole lot of rubbish because this sort of soul work is really dependent on time and action. Recently, for every negative thought I have about myself I’m trying to combat it by telling myself three positive things I actually fancy about myself. That may sound a bit cheesy but I want to create new thinking patterns and abolish old ones. I’ve started seeing my counsellor regularly instead of just on occasion, as well as reading more frequently and even taken up intro hip hop lessons (I’ll probably share when I feel more confident in the mean time I’m getting my moves down haha.)

I know I still have a long way to go, and there are days where I still feel absolutely defeated but creating these minor changes even if they may not seem like much, is definitely a beginning. Perhaps chaos is it’s own catalyst of sorts that can indubitably propel you in a multitude of directions whether it be for better or for worst. My demons are colossal, they eclipse all my light, they’re conniving vicious fuckers that are damn good at that sweet talk. But maybe if we’re honest destruction is needed in order to come full circle. As much as we’d love to conceal all our hideous elements and pretend like they aren’t present that shit will keep returning and demanding itself to be recognized until it corners you and stares you straight in the fucking eye. So 2016, I hope this will be the year I find my strength and uncover the light. Here’s to finding my way back from the wreckage and travelling towards my heart space – to centreing myself and coming out the other side.

xx

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Top – UNIF • Pentagram Harness – Teale Coco • Skirt – American Apparel • Platforms – T.U.K

I hope you all had a fabulous Valentines day and got to spend it with some good company and even if you don’t have someone, I hope you fucking went out, hung out with your friends and motherfucking treated yourself because you’re a QUEEN!

This was a super fun shoot to do and my first time collaborating with da bae. I like to think the clothes I wear are an extension of myself, and a way to experiment with different characters that all are a part of Kendahl ‘Lahbra’ Jung. I decided to take advantage of the one sunny day that happened last week and organize this shoot where I channel some ultimate bad girl vibes as in I’m-cute-but-really-I-look-like-Imma-cut-a-bitch. Do you feel me?

I can just tell that as soon as this is posted my sister will probably make a remark on how angry I look because she continually tells me that on a daily basis. I have to laugh because it’s true I do look pretty pissed the majority of time but I promise you I’m not all that evil but hey I ain’t no saint either. To be honest it’s just because my natural resting (bitch) face just so happens to look like I might murder someone all the time but also because when I’m walking in public I get mad anxiety and girl is just trying to get to A to B. So pardon my icy glares. It’s not that I don’t want to make conversation with random strangers it’s moreso just being very focused on getting to my destination and the fact I am oblivious as all hell. My sister likes to call me Satan, where the nicknames derives from my not-so-pleasant teenage years of being a fairly enraged adolescent, the whole I-hate-everyone-and-the-world-and-nobody-fucking-understands-me mentality. Typical. I suppose my nickname also applies to when I tend to get a bit reactive in situations when I really have no reason to be and my sister will promptly respond with the sassy phrase, “settle Satan.” It used to aggravate me every time she’d say that but now I find it humorous and strangely endearing because hey, at least she’s honest and calling me out on my shit. Plus, I think we all know that I may have my moments and a good portion of my being consists of radiating love rather than hate even though my face may not always make that clear. HA!

Subtle out take:

because bae caught me smiling. SEE!

xx

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Coat – Cheap Monday • Crop top – Blitz! London • Culottes – Oak + Fort • Choker – SHOPNIN3 • Shoes – UNIF • Sunnies – Wildfox Couture

These were taken when I was in London this past November on my Europe trip with my two best friends! Even though we only spent a week there, traveling with The Holy Trinity is always some sort of madness; I mean that in the best possible way. My first day there I met up with Momo and made our way to the hotel to get settled and prepare to pick up our dear friend Nigel. Before I get into details, this trip was pretty significant for all of us since it would be the first time we’d all be reunited in a year! Nigel had left us in early 2015 to travel around Asia to model and made his way to Europe. Instinctively, we took this chance to go on a Trinity trip because who wouldn’t want to be in two of of Europe’s biggest cities with your two besties?! Okay, we could legit go anywhere in the world and guaranteed we’d cause a ruckus and have a shit ton of fun. 2015 was pretty chaotic for all of us and with Nigel’s absence I felt as if it had threw us all off balance. Even though Momo and I live in the same city it’s hard to meet up with each other when you have conflicting schedules. It was a tumultuous year and not having my most primary and fundamental individuals in my life proved to be rather distressing in many ways. It was one of those situations where I knew my friend needed to go out there in the world to figure out what he wanted but most importantly I knew he needed to do this for himself. I understood that all of us individually were sorting through our own personal moments of turbulence and although we all spoke to each other frequently I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t severely affected by his absence. It is such a rare find to encounter souls you relate to on much more personal levels that extend beyond surface value. Especially ones where your energies are very intricately intertwine but powerfully connected. I hold these two incredible human beings close to me because I see them as family and it is so hard to know and find your own tribe. So you could only imagine my extreme jubilance when we made solid plans to all meet up in Europe. Definitely had all the motherfucking feels. But if I’m honest when am I not?

Moments of being in London I was absolutely ecstatic, I think it worked out perfectly how Momo and I arrived earlier the same day that way we could pick up Nigel from the train station. Of course, us being tits, we decided to hide behind a pillar to scare the shit out of our friend. I wish we had filmed us picking him up because when he arrived he couldn’t find us at first and we (stealthily) burst out of nowhere and screamed at him (because we’re assholes) and of course many hugs and laughs followed. My first day in London was pretty wild, considering I hadn’t slept the whole 9 hour flight and was getting over a cold, we did what I guess is now a bit of a tradition when we travel together…grab some liquor and find a dance floor. We went to HEAVEN, one of London’s most notorious gay clubs that had so many different dance rooms to choose from and it just so happened that that night two of RuPaul’s Drag Race recent contestants were judging a stripping competition. If you must know, I thoroughly enjoyed my first experience at HEAVEN mainly because I a strange affinity for shitty pop music and trust me when I say if you get the Trinity together + top 40 shit, with or without alcohol that only involves us being major tits in public…I mean that as we will slay on the dance floor….or maybe more accurately we will be embarrassing AF and do the stupidest dance moves and have mini dance offs while simultaneously screaming at each other the lyrics of whatever dumb ass song is playing. I’m talking major hair whipping, flailing hands, and getting low as fuck to the ground. Also, I didn’t realize it was possible to turn up to Adele because the DJ had remixed her single Hello…I MEAN REALLY NOW?! I remember when that happened Momo and I just left the dance floor we were so unimpressed. There is only so much shitty music I can tolerate.

London, even with your chilly stormy weather you were something else. It was short and sweet and the perfect amount of mayhem. Some of my favourite memories there involved:

• our first day where moments of being there Momo and I found a little farmer’s market near the train station so we bought some cheese. We like our carbs okay.

• the boys taking me to Lucky Voice for karaoke as a late birthday celebration where I lost my shit because they had every T SWIFT song and new JBIEBZ…basically they had every song imaginable and I’m pretty sure Nigel and I lost our voices by the end of it. I believe at first we actually attempted to sound decent and it just got progressively worse, messy and off key because alcohol.

• finding out the staircase in our hotel was where part of the Spice Girls ‘Wannabe’ music video was shot and having an impromptu shoot.

• exploring SoHo and taking the boys to some bougi restaurant that actually had the best dim sum and needless to say possibly one of the best meals I’ve ever had in my life.

• spontaneously getting some cute tattoos in Shoreditch and going to Dishoom for another fantastic meal even though I experienced one of the worst food babies in my entire existence.

• walking around Brick Lane and shopping because duh. and all the times we took the tube and double decker buses even though I felt like a lost child the majority of the time and on more than one occasion managed to get trapped on one side of either the entrance or the exit because my Oyster card would fuck up. Thank you Nigel for being our navigator.

• also…all the times I was woken up because Nigel was repeatedly rapping to Only by Nicki Minaj extremely loud and enthusiastically the entire trip.

If anything, my seven days in London was nothing short of amusing, hilarious, insightful, entertaining and most definitely LIT (I’m sorry Nigel.) Photo diary to follow, stay tuned lovelies!

xx