Dress // Oh Hey Girl • Harness // Jakimac • Boots // UNIF • Beret // eBay

I honestly can’t believe 2016 is over, it’s mental to think 365 days have gone by and the absolute whirlwind that has been this year. Globally, I think we can all agree it was shit. A horrendous chain of events that left our hearts heavy. The deaths of many beloved stars – Bowie & Prince hit me hard. The US presidential election. Fuck. A LOT. OF. THINGS. HAPPENED. THIS. YEAR. And although, yes 2016 was difficult for many but on a personal level this year was so much about perseverance if anything.

It’s funny for the last two years I’ve been doing year round tarot readings for myself and theme of this year was strength and without a doubt I have felt that energy in it’s utmost capacity. I actually hadn’t thought about it until sitting down and writing this but this has been one fucking hell of a shitshow of a year and even though the first few months were rather arduous, harrowing and discomforting my efforts have really paid off and not only that but that amount of shit I’ve achieved this year BLOWS MY FUCKING MIND!!! It’s been a year of tremendous growth, if you follow me on my Instagram and blog I know I keep reiterating this but bloody fuck I don’t think I’ve ever done such a goddamn 180. January 1st, will mark my official one year of being substance abuse free and I can’t believe how far I’ve come in that regard. Reflecting on this time last year things were hazy and disconnected, I liked the way detriment sounded. Girl like wildfire. Girl like devastation. Girl like bulletproof. It’s strange to really muster these words but I never really thought I’d ever feel real happiness or find it for that matter but this year proved me wrong. This year was about saying yes to many things instead of staying stagnant in the dark. It was about pushing through walls of fear. Just fucking doing it and seeing where I would fall. And even if I did, getting right back up and picking up all the pieces, reassembling it and walking it the fuck off. It was about starting a lot of things I only dreamed of doing, things that just floated in thought and graced my mouth but never put into action until now. I finally started dance, which is one of the copious amount of things that I’ve wanted to do for years but always felt discouraged. And even though I’m still a beginner I found out my passion for voguing, which has been a tremendous outlet for me and a beautiful and fierce AF art form in and of itself. I finally got my Learners cuz it’s been about fucking time I learn how to drive ha! I spontaneously enrolled in the Freelance Makeup program and am ridiculously inspired by the MUA community and tremendous support I’ve gotten so far. I started taking photos again. Collaborating. Making some dope shit. Met some incredible human beings these year. Spent three weeks in Italy with my family and being incredibly inspired by that trip. Went to Pemberton Music Fest with two lovely souls who I met this year and had the time of my life seeing some of my fave artists. From seeing FKA Twigs in the pouring rain wearing identical rain coats looking like dumplings to losing my shit seeing Die Antwoord for the 5th time and having a pretty wondrous moment with a goddamn rainbow hovering over the stage seeing Miguel. Having my cousin move to Vancouver, reconnecting with her and taking dance classes every week. That one day during Pride, dressed to the nines with my fucking tribe, soul sistas for life, the MOTHERFUCKING HOLY TRINITY and staying out till 7AM. Exploring my own backyard that this city has to offer with my love. Starting this blog it’ll mark it’s one year in about a month! Shaving off my eyebrowz (honestly it’s been one of the most empowering things I’ve done this year) and getting baby bangs. Fell in love with myself. Sat with the destruction. Pulled everything a part and in the words of my mother, SHUTUP. SIT DOWN. AND LOVE YOURSELF. It’s a delirious feeling to examine everything in retrospect, that we are always constantly in flux but I am so fucking proud of myself for having the courage to cast out the dark, light them fucking demons on fire and watch the ashes transpire into something magical, unimaginable and truly mesmerizing.

2017, I have no idea where you’re going to take me but lets hold hands and dance to the sound of the fucking unknown.

Girl like electricity. Girl like pistol. Girl like magic.

Much love to all you beauties.

xx

Shirt // Jbiebz Purpose 2016 Tour (LOL) • Boots // Alexander Wang • Necklace // SHOPNIN3 • Sunnies // WildFox

I’m not going to lie this has been a hard one to write. After two years of having purple hair I decided to change my hair colour and for the past few months being this blue tone with turquoise hues has really been the start of a new era for me. If you’ve been following my blog for a while I speak a lot about the human condition, the strange duality and everything in between that plays a role in our lives. As much as this somewhat resembles your typical ‘style blog’ you will never find me writing about the garments on my body, although that isn’t too say that my personal aesthetic does carry an element to this platform, it is much more about the story telling for me. Looking at how we’re more than eight months into 2016 I have to say compared to this time last year where everything was far more destructive and harrowing I am doing a lot better. For the first time in a long time I feel proud of myself and that’s something I often forget to give myself credit for. When I really sit with myself and look at how monumentally fucked up everything was and felt in 2015 I’ve honestly done a complete 180. I’m no longer self-medicating and abusing a handful of vices that used to be my coping mechanisms and have extracted myself from toxic situations and people. Sure, the party is fun and you think it never ends but when you get sucked into a world thats nothing but a dangerous mixture of blurred nights, intoxication, deception and waking up with the heaviness in your heart you thought you had so innocently eradicated the night before accompanied by a delirious pounding in your head is it all really worth it? I’m definitely someone who takes things to the extreme and I often like to test my personal threshold. I thought for a while I was “invincible” purely enjoying life because I was going out all the time and made the all time excuse of ‘being young and free’ bullshit. Of course, there is a time and place to dance away the night and escape momentarily from life’s tribulations but I was more than knees deep in a noxious cycle of addiction and affliction without really being aware of it or anywhere near admitting it. For months I was in denial that I had a problem because my fucking dumb ass logic and Ego self got the best of me and assumed that I was still a perfectly functioning human being because I still (somewhat) managed to carry out daily duties like my job. I know that I’ve always suffered from depression and anxiety, something that’s accumulated and carried itself over the years as an eleven year old and into my adolescence and now into my twenties. So when parts of me were depleting and instead of asking for help, taking initiative and doing the work on myself I found solace in my vices. In the quiet, the war inside my head grew vehemently louder and stronger and my addictions were becoming out of control. I felt outnumbered by my demons but I still refused to do anything about it. It wasn’t until my partner relentlessly called me out on it and told me to get help. Although, that period of my life was absolutely sickening – quite literally and metaphorically – and a complete shitshow in the most horrendous way I count my lucky stars every day that he did that for me and that I have managed to kick my substance abuse habit to the fucking curb and never look back. It wasn’t easy and it took a whirlwind of unfortunate events to really get the light to find its way through my clouded presence but I have to say for the first time in an extremely long time without hesitation, I am happy and well.